Dealing with Negative Feedback from Friends and Family as You Transform Your Physique in the Gym
Tools and Strategies for Maintaining Your Motivation and Overcoming Obstacles
Introduction
As you begin to make progress in the gym and improve your physique, you may start to notice some changes in the way your family and friends interact with you. While some people may be supportive and encouraging, others may be more critical or even hostile. For many, it is completely unexpected and shocking that someone close to you could give negative feedback to something as positive as physical fitness, but it is surprisingly common.
Negative feedback and concern trolling
Dealing with negative feedback or criticism from friends and family as you try to improve your physical fitness in the gym can feel like a betrayal and be extremely isolating. It can also cause you to feel guilty about your decision to improve your life, like you’re leaving everyone else behind.
"Why are you spending so much time in the gym? You're going to become obsessed."
"You don't need to change your body, you're perfect the way you are."
*Drinks 6 cans of Mountain Dew* “Careful with all those eggs, you’re going to get heart problems.”
"You're going to get hurt doing all of those exercises."
"I liked you better when you were skinny."
Most people are out of shape and most of these comments are usually a projection of the excuses that person has been telling themselves to justify their own inaction. Most people feel like it’s too late for them, or like they’ve tried everything and failed, so the subject can be very touchy. It can be tough to hear these criticisms from people who we expect to be supportive but it is also incredibly sad.
You’ll often be met with what very-online folks refer to as “concern trolling”. Concern trolling is when someone pretends to be concerned about you, but in reality they are just trying to get you to doubt your decisions or discourage you from pursuing your goals.
Even if you understand where all of this negative feedback is coming from, many times we end up feeling guilty and sad, like we are leaving people behind who are wounded or afraid. This can be incredibly difficult when trying to maintain motivation and interpersonal relationships.
How to handle negative feedback
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a person is concern trolling you or showing genuine concern. So much information surrounding fitness these days is full of dogma and controversy. Eggs being controversial should tell you everything about the stigma surrounded so much of fitness and health these days. So it is important to recognize that not everyone who is concerned for your fitness or nutritional decisions are doing so out of malice. Here are some tips to addressing someone showing concern.
Consider if they’re being genuine
It's possible that they are genuinely concerned about your well-being and are coming from a place of care. You may want to ask them to expand more on their concerns to see if they have an informed opinion. If you can follow their logic but still disagree, it’s still possible they’re being genuine. If their logic falls apart and they just sound irrational and emotional, I’m not saying they are trolling you but… they’re probably trolling you.Set Boundaries
Genuine or not, if someones feedback is causing you stress or anxiety, it’s totally cool that you no longer share with them that part of your life for the foreseeable future. Many times these people will see your results further down the road and come around on the topic entirely. So it’s totally within your power to just deny these people of the topic entirely until that date or they unfortunately show their true colors.
Surround yourself with supportive people
It’s unlikely everyone in your support network are unsupportive of your fitness goals. Surrounding yourself with those people is important but it if that’s not possible, you know where you can find supportive people? You guessed it. It starts with G- and ends with… it’s the gym. Shared purpose and goals are to be found in that glorious iron temple so strike up a conversation next time you’re in the gym — you may have just met your new best friend and gym partner.Consider the relationship
If the person's behavior is consistently toxic or harmful, it may be necessary to reassess the relationship and determine if it is healthy and beneficial for you to continue. This should be a last resort but sometimes growth reveals who is really your friend and who had you in a very very small box.
Conclusion
While it can be tough to face negative feedback or concern trolling from friends and family as you work to improve your physique in the gym, it is important to remember that you are making a positive change above all else. It is okay to set boundaries and lead by example just as it is important to surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and support your goals.
It is possible that the negative feedback or concern trolling you are receiving is genuine and comes from a place of concern for your well-being. In this case, it may be helpful to have a conversation with the person expressing their concerns and explain your motivations and goals. However, if the negative feedback or concern trolling is not genuine and is meant to discourage or undermine your efforts, it may be necessary to set boundaries and even reevaluate the relationship.
If you are struggling to find support from those around you, it may be helpful to seek out supportive people in other areas of your life. Joining a fitness community or finding a workout buddy can be a great way to find encouragement and motivation. Focus on your own goals and purpose, and don't let negative feedback or concern trolling hold you back from becoming the best version of yourself.